Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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