i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
