He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
