She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
