how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
