She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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