She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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