Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
