Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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