Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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