Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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