Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
