you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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