Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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