afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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