If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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