Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
