WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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