theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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