please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize