I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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