i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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