my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
