i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
