Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
