Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
