i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Are my feet made of real feet?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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