i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
