i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
