All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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