He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
