He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
