shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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