My sheets look like a crime scene.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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