So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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