he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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