I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
