She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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