Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
