I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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