I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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