They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
