it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
