God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
