I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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