I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
