i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You smell like stripper and shame
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
