I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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