I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
