I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
