Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
