I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
