You just made me feel so damn special
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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