i just wanna soil my oats bro
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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