You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
