How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
