Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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