Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
