It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
