after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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