I didn't shave. On purpose
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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