Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
