Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
