Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
how drunk are you?
Several
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
