My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
