Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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