I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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