but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
