Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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