That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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