And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
