We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
