I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
