Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Oh god it's open bar.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
