I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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