yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
