just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He shit in the fireplace
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
