I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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