I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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