A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Boobs speak an international language.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
