Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We smell like vodka and hangover
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